When to wean?

Q I have a question about my 2 year old boy. He’s always been breastfed and still is, but I am quite keen to stop now and he isn’t! Do you have any advice on how I can wean him off breastmilk without it being too traumatic? He doesn’t have it during the day, but he needs it to fall asleep - he has never fallen asleep without being fed. My husband tried once but he wasn’t having any of it. He also needs top ups during the night. I am getting exhausted but see no way out. Please help!

A It isn’t easy when you are ready to stop and your baby is not. Breastfeeding can easily become a struggle and you can end up feeling frustrated and resentful. Nighttime breastfeeds are often the last to go and they can seem the hardest to end but going at your child’s pace can help to prevent this becoming a battle. Although nursing is no longer his main food source, it’s still important to him as a source of comfort and security.

When you are feeling low and exhausted it can help to ask if nursing really makes your life harder in the long run. Sometimes behaviour that is normal for a two year old is blamed on breastfeeding and it’s thought that if only he weaned he would not be crying or waking. It can help to realise he will still need care and attention whether he is nursing or not. Breastfeeding can often meet his needs more completely and easily than any other way. One advantage of breastfeeding an older baby is that nursing hormones are calming to both mother and child. Breastmilk continues to provide immunities, enzymes and vitamins and if a child is ill and not eating much it can be comforting to know he is still nursing.

Breastfeeding is a two-way relationship and your needs are important too. If you are feeling negative about nursing it can help to make small changes to create a little time to yourself. Reading, a hobby or just a hot bath on your own can help you feel more positive about your choices. If you still decide you want to end night nursing then doing it gradually with love is the best approach. He may need more time and attention during this period. A toddler often senses when his mother is nursing reluctantly and reacts by asking to breastfeed more.

La Leche League does not advocate sleep-training techniques in which babies or children are left to cry for long periods. These methods for training young babies to fall asleep alone can be distressing for all involved. Some ideas for night weaning can include delaying or shortening feeds in the night. As your child gets older it can be easier to make “agreements” with him, such as nursing every other time he wakes or just cuddles when it’s dark. A week or so can make all the difference in how ready a toddler is for any change.

A settling to sleep routine which can be repeated when he wakes in the night can help to replace the closeness of breastfeeding. As he learns to accept cues other than breastfeeding he may be able to fall asleep with a story, drink, snack and cuddle. You might give him something to snuggle that smells of you or put on a calming music CD. Having a snack or drink available during the night can also help. Although up until now cuddles with daddy have not helped it is worth trying again. If he protests your husband can remind him that you are asleep and encourage him to settle down.

All children wean eventually, at their own different pace. Young children have a tremendous desire to move on to the next stage in their development and they will stop nursing when they are able to do so.

For more support contact LLL via our website laleche.org.uk or helpline 0845 120 2918.

Anna is a mother of six and works at La Leche League. One of her main responsibilities at the charity is to take local calls from breastfeeding mothers who need help.

READ Mothering your Nursing Toddler by Norma Bumgarner

VISIT laleche.org.uk for leaflets Still Nursing and Thinking of Weaning, which contain helpful advice and case studies